Mom-Kids-Holiday
1. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect perfection. We need to be kind to ourselves and honor our imperfections or we won’t be able to do the same for our children or anyone else. This is a valuable skill to model for our children.
2. Define your “shoulds” versus your “wants”. When we hear ourselves say we “should” continue this holiday ritual or we “should” say yes to chair the school’s holiday bake sale, we need to ask ourselves if it is something we “want” to do. Chances are we will take better care of others and ourselves if we are aware of\ what our “wants” are during the holidays and always.
3. Slow down. When we rush through the day, we tend to miss the joyous moments that are right in front of us.
4. Allow for down time. We need to plan for and allow ourselves and our children time away from the holiday hubbub.
5. Listen to your child’s voice. Truly listening to children is especially challenging during busy and stressful times, but children need to feel heard to believe that they matter to you.
6. Give your child the gift that he really wants: quality time with you. When it comes to spending time with our children, quality is more important than quantity. When we are fully present with our child, we communicate the message that we value him and our time with him. This will increase a child’s self-esteem and decrease his need to act out to get our attention.
7. Be aware of your feelings. Our children pick up on how we are feeling. When our level of holiday anxiety gets too high, we need to determine what specific things we need to do to support ourselves and decrease our own stress. For example, we may need to take a walk, get more sleep or get a break by arranging with a friend to take turns watching each other’s children.
8. Ask for help from supportive people in your life. If we don’t clearly ask for what we need, we will set ourselves up to not get our needs met.
9. Stay consistent. Allow some flexibility, but keep bedtime, other routines and rules as consistent as possible. Children feel safer when they know what to expect and what is expected of them. Their misbehavior is often a way of asking for this safety from you when they don’t feel they have enough of it.
10. Be the adult. We can jump through hoops to do everything we can think of to make our children feel the holiday joy, but they decide how they feel. Remember that we can’t control how our children feel, but we can control how we feel and behave. It is our responsibility to our children to behave as a calm and trustworthy adult. Instead of a knee jerk reaction when your child triggers you, take a deep breath and wait a few moments before you respond. Then model behavior for your child that you would like to see from him when life triggers him.
