I've never had great luck with women friends. I have one best friend who has stuck by me through all of my nonsense (Hi April!), but as far as lifetime friendships with other women, nope. Not a one.
Then I had Lily.
Here I was, postpartum, feeling as if my life had at once ended, and at once just begun. I was worried and sleepless and overjoyed. My world had shrunk significantly and I spent alot of the day alone.
I was a mess. Seriously. Depressed and wondering why I was depressed. Isolated and unsure of how to reach out. Sad when I should be the most happy.
I took my baby girl to the park. I put her in a swing. And looked over to see a friendly face. Jody. Stroller Strides dynamo. Who would become my saving grace, my first real mommy friend, my coach, my cheerleader, and my hero. I met up with other moms, and learned alot about myself in the process.
The most valuable thing I learned? That I was loveable and likeable and good, just as I was. No gloss, no pretending. Just me.
I never experienced the sisterhood of female friends. Of MOMMY friends. Those who know exactly what you are going through and can sympathize.
And now, four years later, I am still learning just how much I need other women. To talk to, to spend time with. To hand my kids off to and to laugh at their craziness with. To talk breastfeeding and baby poo and emotions and talk shows. Craft projects and cooking and husbands.
I was talking to two of my mommy friends today. About the cattiness we had experienced with other women. About the hurt at being picked on or talked about. I've experienced deep hurt at the hands of other women, been gossiped about. Nothing hurts worse, I'm convinced because we are designed by God to need other women near us, especially in early motherhood.
After my friends and their babies left I sat here in the silence. I thought about what I could do to show God how much I value the strong, funny, and wonderful women he has brought into my life. I closed my eyes and asked for inspiration. Somethign I can make? Something I can say? Something I can do?
No.
Just a simple promise to all of my friends.
I will never hurt you intentionally. I will always strive to understand you. I will give you space when you need it, but I will NOT back off when you are hurting. I won't let you slip through the cracks or pretend things are fine when I know they aren't. I will treasure your friendship, protect you and defend you. I will never say anything behind your back that I would not say in your presence. I will not force my friendship on you if you pull away, but I will be here if you need me. I will give you anything I have, all the time, in any situation. I will be present in your life. I will love your children like my own. I will hold your heart as close and as tenderly as my own, and guard your feelings. I won't be like any other women that have hurt you. You can always trust me. I cannot say that things won't break between us, or that feelings won't be hurt. Life brings friction and circumstances that can cause pain. But I will always strive to mend it and make it stronger.
Will you make the same promise with me? To build up and encourage the women in your life? Will you promise to not gossip, to not hurt, to not wound with your words? Will you honor the friendships God gave you by treating them with the care He would?
It's time to stop tearing each other down and instead realize that we need each other. And we need each other strong and unwounded by gossip or words. Make the promise with me.
